The Mad Cow

Mission briefing

One day Dasha the cow went crazy and ran away from home. She ran into the city and started destroying everything. The cow's task is to destroy everything. Destroy buildings with horns and weapons, get points, fly a helicopter, drive a car. Remember, the police will be chasing you.

Field manual

Move - the AWSD buttons, jump - space bar, attack with horns - button A, shoot weapons - button A, accelerate - shift button, pick up an object - T button. The mobile control has a joystick + pop-up buttons.

Launch orders: press Launch mission above and the game loads on this page itself — nothing downloads and no form stands between you and the first move. It is designed for a landscape (wide) screen and takes its orders from mouse, keyboard or touch, depending on the mission. It is built wide, for a landscape screen — rotate a phone sideways, or give it a tablet or monitor to stretch out on. If it offers a fullscreen control, use it — a fight this size deserves the whole screen.

Field notes for action operations

• First run is reconnaissance. Spend it learning where the danger actually spawns from instead of chasing a score — most action games announce their patterns honestly in the opening minute, then repeat them with worse manners.
• Movement is a defensive stat. A moving target at half health outlives a stationary one at full health in nearly every game on this board, so keep relocating between shots, strikes and reloads.
• Learn the exit before the entrance closes. In arena and chase games alike, the players who survive longest are the ones who noticed the second doorway while everyone else was watching the first.

The Mad Cow — questions from the ranks

What does it cost to play The Mad Cow?

Nothing at all. The mission is free from the first order to the last — no sign-up, no download, no paid tier guarding the good levels. The advertising around this page is what keeps the board free.

What sort of mission is The Mad Cow?

The Mad Cow is filed in our Action theatre. Like every operation on this board, it is a browser game — read the briefing above for the publisher's own account of what you are deploying into.

Can I run The Mad Cow on a phone or tablet?

Yes. It plays in the browser on phones and tablets exactly as it does on a computer. It is built wide, for a landscape screen — rotate a phone sideways, or give it a tablet or monitor to stretch out on.

Do I have to install anything before playing?

No installation of any kind. The Mad Cow is an HTML5 game: press the launch button and it loads on this page, and closing the tab leaves nothing behind.

After-action

Mission complete, or still pinned down? The full Action theatre is one click away — The main hall of the board: 469 operations where something is always moving, exploding, escaping or being chased. If a game has a pulse and a problem, it is probably filed here.